The Films

Mildly entertaining 2 hour non sequitur music video

One time I saw Colm Meaney in an SBUX in Calgary

If you took out the time spent singing or screaming, this movie would only be about 16 minutes long.

For a movie about soul, this doesn't have much of it. Not bad if you like the music though.

A raunchier version of That Thing You Do with an Irish accent.

If you want to play a video game without being able to control any of the characters, here you go.

What a bloody waste of 2 hours

There will be blood. Endlessly. For no reason.

Almost as much blood as The Substance! But not nearly as good.

Movies that make me dive into their lore are always a treat. This movie does a lot of showing and not telling, and on rewatches there is more to be discovered.

Near Dark: Where it goes from pitch black to blazing sun in 3 minutes!

Not sure what sucks more, vampires or 80s pixie cuts

Transition between night and day was cut to give more budget to explosions

Lot's of star power in this late 80s B movie. Yep.

80s time capsule of vampires and synth music. Come for Bill Paxton, don’t stay for the ending.

This felt like being trapped in a very expensive Subaru commercial about generational trauma.

The bully from It and the ditzy lady from support the girls do a great job expanding their range. However, this movie is more boring than watching commercial breaks for the original A team. Also, naming the black horse Mr T is a choice.

A movie on life support.

I'm glad Haley Lu Richardson isn't my half sister

Nothing spicier than an abusive father! A movie to make you thankful for decent family.

Come on skinny love what happened here. This movie wasn't that good unfortunately I fear.

I wonder how many cops are barely containing a meltdown every day

Just because you film a few long takes doesn’t mean it’s worth a damn.

I just listened to Bruce Spingsteen's Thunder Road. I don't get it. Maybe see a therapist.

Impressive freak show of acting. Prepare to be slightly charmed and uncomfortable.

A little less sentiment, a little more action please

A well acted story about baggy jeans and all the family drama you can fit inside of it.

Lesson learned: stay out of the arts.

Who do you think would win a champagne race? Gustav Borg on his hospital bed or Jarrod?

I really like that the lead characters last name is Borg, which is also one the main vocabulary words of the swedish chef muppet.

If a tree falls in the forest, does that advance the story at all? Doesn't feel like it.

This is one of those movies where I wonder how awful the people smell with all those clothes and sweat.

Train dreams kept me on track with its somber and steady narrative. No derailments here.

No one ever yelled “TIMBERRRR!” Seems like a lost opportunity.

Manchester by the Tree?

Care about coworkers. Get laid off. Kill everyone. Be happy alone. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about this movie. It was a bit long.

Dude missed his calling. He should have taken up killing instead of paper.

Paper thin plot, but gets the job done. As you would expect from a South Korean.

Should win an Oscar. For best fart scene.

Beautifully shot and scored, nailed both the dark and the comedy. Slapstick satire of capitalism and masculinity.

As a child I used to go to winchells donuts. I had lost that memory and this movie gave it back to me. The end.

Ted was a bit of a gambler, eating all those donuts and never going to the dentist.

You do nut want to watch this one on an empty stomach. This was a glaze donut of documentaries, just ok.

Did not expect the Donut King to be flavored with gambling and genocide

Hell yeah documentaries teaching me things!

I don't know if it is my own waning relationship with alcohol, but this movie made me loathe the sound of ice hitting the glass and liquid pouring in after it.

IMDb calls this a Dark Comedy. I guess having a teacher pressure a student to drink before a test is funny in a way!

Fun idea, but these dudes would’ve been exhausted and miserable on day two.

Fun look at Danish boozing and how it's oh so fun and light hearted. Then your wife leaves you and your friend dies. But let's dance!

That scene where they're sitting and staring at one another after the funeral? That's us someday. Well...most of us.

This movie did not need to go extra innings.

Like a baseball game, you’ll want to find other things to entertain you while it’s going on.

David has the incredible ability to pick really long movies even when they're short.

This movie makes me think I might still have a chance!

I have never been a fan of baseball. But this movie really drew me in and kept me interested in what ultimately resulted in nothing. Just an afternoon of baseball. Then back to it.

This movie was Emily Blunt...just a little ass.

Maybe they should’ve embellished this true story a smidge to help the audience care at all.

I don't like MMA, horrible people, or really bad fake crying, so this movie wasn't really for me

Wait, so, the Rock can act?

Smashing some Emily blunts not using the washing machine. I can’t think of a spicy take for this one. I’d like to see her smashing machine if ya know what I mean. I’m sorry. I don’t think we should post this.

I don’t get this movie. What are they trying to accomplish. I guess I’m too old for snatch like movies designed to confuse you with the weaving colorful characters instead of plot.

This movie has no idea what it wants to be, but Leo is amazing

Easily the best Modelo commercial I’ve seen.

Finally a more realistic depiction of a 50 year old trying to parkour.

People having secrets. Secrets not really keeping people safe though. Don't stick your dick in crazy.

If you need body guards, you should get with our friends in the overlooked Asian community.

What if Walter from Lebowski was an old Chinese lady?

Tell the story of her keeping her casino winnings! Surely that wouldn't be as odd and dull as what we watched.

Grandma and the movie both start out on a roll and then quickly run out of luck

Three 8s in a row. Grandma has a huge throbbing sack.

So un-nuanced and boring, you'd think del Toro adapted it from one of my students' papers on the book instead of the book itself.

I guess they blew their budget on the actors? Sure wasn't on the monster's silly assed skin.

Stupid sexy Frankenstein's monster.

Edit out Christoph Waltz’s character and you’d have a solid 2 hour movie.

Visually fun. Movie would have been a lot shorter if men could just talk out their feeling. Except Christoph Waltz, that guy is nuts.

A lot of background piano music and not much else. Thanks David.

Love is about compromise… and sometimes that compromise is eating a poisonous frittata so your girl can reset your shitty personality

There will be…close-ups and staring?

When she’s crazy, but she’s your kind of crazy.

I have never felt more seen than when he said "I cannot begin my day with a confrontation, please."

Very well-made film. The storytelling, cinematography, and acting were all solid. I hated it a lot. Why does anyone watch something like this for pleasure? Awful.

I thought when you stepped over the chalk you turned into Moonlight Graham, not some weird freak bitch.

I’m glad Oliver finally got to have a full meal. I wonder how many coneys he could have eaten afterwards.

Loose skin and loose ends. No need to bring her back, you can leave her there.

A horror movie that did a lot of showing and not telling and left me wanting more but satisfied with the story that was told. A good look at tragedy and grief and the lengths one would go.

I guess this is what happens when someone confuses "depraved" with "deep." a mid-90s edgelord parade of vomit, pedophilia, and screaming with nothing to say.

Starts off fun and wacky. Then quickly becomes a movie about doing cocaine and repressing things. Cool if you're an edgy 15 year old I guess.

I’m rating it this highly because I’m guessing this was what they were going for. Wow, what a miserable movie.

Watch as James McAvoy masterfully portrays getting drunk, being drunk, and being hung the ass over.

I enjoyed this movie despite it disgusting me every chance it had. I was repulsed by the main character but was drawn in just to see what would happen. I felt a little filthy myself. Tee hee.

If I didn’t know any better I could swear I was watching a movie about telepaths communicating but they forgot to add the audio track to let us know what is going on.

This movie will make you want to get korean bbq, pound soju, or email a long lost love. I hope you're ok with that.

Don't slowly turn to look directly at the camera please. It makes me feel weird and uncomfortable

Imagine loving the idea of someone so much you fly across the world just to stare at them and make everyone involved miserable. Cinema!

I wish they would’ve specified if they wanted boneless or bone in chicken wings. Can’t have them bones in there.

This would be a good movie to show on the tvs in a retail electronics store. It visually impresses without encouraging lingering.

I can’t solve a Rubrics Cube, I didn’t think that lack of skill would apply to a movie. But here we are.

Interesting characters that build nicely then just go nuts. If you like symbolism and the smell of your own farts, you might like this one.

I was left with many questions. What I didnt question was how much Tommy sucked.

Starring Hugh Jackman as a stressed yoga teacher trapped in a screen saver. I hated Tommy a lot.

I really would have rather just sat through King Lear.

Overacted, but maybe that's the point? I don't fucking know.

Two solid performances. Too bad they were in this movie.

I had a friend who watched this movie - he would have rather been seent to Colwyn Bay

the good old days when stage actors rolled their Rs when speaking English!

You know what makes an uninteresting and dumb movie better? The weirdest cum-strewn sex scene ever.

I'm sorry

Norwegian is such an interesting sounding language

In a movie full of sad and gross things, nothing is sadder and grosser than a blowjob out of financial obligation

An uncomfortable exploration of 19th century plastic surgery and fad diets

A good old-fashioned glimpse into mafia life filled with family, betrayal, and vengeance. Add a touch of racism and sexism and you have The Godfather!

Probs good for the time it came out, but doesn't really hold up. Gangsters and good music carry this one.

I never knew there were so many slurs for Italians!

Man this is a time capsule of a movie. To watch some of these performers before they become who they become was really a treat.

Never remake this. But...there should be a Clemenza spinoff.

Does it make me a rascist if I don't enjoy overly convoluted and massively long foreign films

A fun, ridiculous movie that's hindered by its 3 long hours

Indian people fighting the cunty British thru song, dance, tigers, and guns. Good times overall.

100% bonkers. What was this movie pitch like?

I did not expect it, but this was fucking awesome.

I found Jo vigorous and compelling, and the only sister worth watching. I suggest a rewrite: Little Woman.

Lots of yappin, but done pretty well honestly. Women are kind of nuts sometimes.

Ah, the good ol’ days when having one servant means you’re poor and just seeing a piece of pink pastry makes you dump your pants. But overall a pretty good movie.

Cute movie. Maybe thought it was almost over at one point and then had a nice little 45 minutes left. Lots of little shenanigans in privileged white people land.

Jo is what happens when you're queer in the 1860's and your only options are Timothee Chalomet or God.